This Summer's Maine Event

That's right. Your favorite blogger is back from ACTUALLY GOING SOMEWHERE and is going to give ya the scoop. Try not to fall out of your chair in shock.

Back at the beginning of May, when there were still an impossible amount of days left in this hellish school year, I texted my friend Rachel: "Yo let's plan a trip for the summer...I got the itch to travel." Within an hour, we'd decided on destination: Maine for immediately following the end of the school year.

I know what you're thinking: why Maine? Three words: Acadia National Park.

Having decided that an 11-hour drive during the daytime would be a waste, we departed at 8:00pm on Thursday and drove through the night, arriving in Bar Harbor bright and early. Obviously coffee was the first (okay, the ONLY) thing on our minds, so after quickly scoping out our breakfast options (well, as quickly as two coffee addicts can when sleep-deprived and suffering from caffeine withdrawal) we got a table at Jordan's, ordering, in addition to the obvious coffee, their famous blueberry muffins, because, well, Maine...blueberries. Duh.

(This is where a picture of the aforementioned muffin should be, but in true Jess form, I didn't think to take a picture of my food until it was WAY too late.)

Feeling somewhat more prepared to take on the day now that we were fed and caffeinated, we set off to explore Bar Harbor a bit more, me with one earbud tuned into the virtual professional development I'd signed up for before realizing I'd be out of town. (Whoops...thank goodness there was a good cell signal in town.)

Having strolled up and down the main roads in town and bought maple candy to keep our energy levels up, we took the recommendation of a lady in the souvenir shop to check out the "Pahk Loop Road." A quick stop in the Visitor's Center for a park map ended in a sprint to the car when it suddenly started POURING. Since we couldn't check into our Airbnb for a few more hours, we decided not to let a little downpour stop us from our first foray into Acadia. 

Signs for Sand Beach caught our eye, so after strewing the contents of our backpacks all over the backseat in search of our rain gear, we ventured out.

Laughing at the fact that I almost didn't pack my rain pants.

It was rather nice to have the beach to ourselves actually, especially once the clouds quit dumping on us.

After getting overly excited about spotting a seal (that I may or may not have initially thought was an otter) we did a bit more driving around the park, which didn't do much to really orient us since we couldn't see past the heavy fog that lingered after the storm.

It will come as no surprise that we crashed early once at our Airbnb that night...I think I was dead asleep by like 7:30. Driving through the night sure does a number on one's circadian rhythm.

Thanks in part to a 4:45 sunrise--did you know that Maine is essentially an hour ahead of Maryland, daylight-wise? I sure didn't--we got an early start to our Saturday. Since the weather still wasn't the greatest, we decided to save the more epic hikes on our list for another day and headed to the trailhead at Echo Lake instead to check off some hikes a little further down our list. 

We got a smidge lost trying to find a fire tower at the summit of Beech Mountain, but boy were the views worth it!

Oh, wait...no they weren't.

Finally giving up around noon, we headed back to Echo Lake, where the fog had cleared enough at sea level to attract a few brave beach-goers. 

Picnicking and people-watching.

We decided to stick to sea level for the rest of the day and drove along the coast on the west side of the island (AKA, the less popular side). We spent the afternoon popping in and out of various harbor towns in search of tasty snacks (we found some!) and staring moodily off into the ocean (by which I mean trying not to slip off the rocks and into the Atlantic).

Nope, don't know that guy.

After accidentally seeing a lighthouse (having stated that I couldn't care less about seeing a lighthouse, we still somehow managed to stumble upon one 🤷) and discovering a few hidden gems like this...

...we decided it was dinner time. 

Our server was impressed with my tenacity in getting every last bit of meat out of this sucker...I told her I'd had years of practice on Maryland crabs, hon.

We only slightly regretted the decision to dine outside when it became so chilly that the melted butter re-solidified. 

Sunday morning was another early start, as we were headed for some of the more popular hikes that day, starting with Beehive Mountain, which overlooks Sand Beach.

What a fun hike...lots of rock scrambling and hanging onto iron railings on the way up!

As we hiked down the other side of Beehive, we got a few short gasps of sun through the clouds, which made already gorgeous views even more spectacular.

The revelation of these new spectacular views lured us back toward the water, and we followed the Ocean Path for several hours with our eyes wide open.

Just look at this!!

We turned around after a couple of hours and made our way back to Sand Beach, which was a whole other world with the sun shining. We ditched the hiking boots and braved the Atlantic up to about our ankles. (We'd laughed at the sign at the entrance to the beach, but it was 100% correct: that water is wicked cold!)

We made our way out of Acadia the long way that afternoon and headed back into Bar Harbor in search of dinner and aloe vera. (We were now very much regretting the decision not to make a pit stop at the car for sunscreen before hitting the Ocean Path.)

Mussels & fried green tomatoes...I could for sure go for some more of them right about now.

We did some porch sitting at the Airbnb before another early bedtime. (I know, I know...but we had plans to be up at the top of a mountain for the sunrise the next day, so...)

 Two-thirty A.M. came awful early on Sunday, but somehow it was still a race against the sun to get to the summit of Cadillac Mountain (the highest peak in Acadia) in time for the sunrise at 4:45AM.

We made it! (Barely)

We hiked down via the Gorge Trail, which lies between Cadillac Mountain and Dorr Mountain.

Looking at Dorr Mountain from the far side of Cadillac Mountain.

We had this gorgeous trail entirely to ourselves, except for two crazy (but very nice) guys who passed us as they were RUNNING down this (very steep, very rocky) trail.

Around 8:30AM, after having second-guessed where we'd parked (everything looked different in the daylight) we arrived back at the car. By this point, we'd been up for 6 hours and had already hiked 9 miles. It was time for some serious breakfast.

We don't mess around when it comes to breakfast.

We did a bit more wandering along the carriage roads through the park before we attempted to check out Jordan Pond and the famous popovers served at its shoreside restaurant. I say attempted, but we weren't the only ones with that idea and the wait time was BONKERS. So we slowly made our way back to the Airbnb for a nap.

On the way there, it occurred to me that we were not far from Echo Lake and that our swimsuits were in fact in the backseat...

...so we took a little detour. 

One much-needed power nap later, we made our way into Bar Harbor one last time, where we once again dined al fresco. 

Fish tacos

We let ourselves get talked into blueberry pie.
(Okay, fine, we were going to order it anyway even before our server suggested it.)

After lazing on the lawn overlooking the harbor itself, watching the boats going in and out, we decided it was time for some ice cream. (Yes, dessert again. Are you really surprised?)

Irish mudslide in a fresh waffle-cone bowl...life doesn't get much better.

We bade adieu to Mount Desert Island bright and early the next morning and headed for home. I have nothing to say about the drive home except that New York drivers are the worst, gas prices in New York are ridiculous, and the traffic pattern at the George Washington Bridge (combined with the aforementioned New York drivers) makes for a HORRENDOUS experience. The end.

To my loyal readers: thanks for sticking with me through my frequent and lengthy hiatuses--hiati?--I'm hoping to sneak in a few more posts this summer before the new school year sucks up my entire life again this fall.

A Day in the Life

Ever wondered what it's like teaching elementary school virtually? 

It's a whole new can of worms.

My day usually starts around 5:45am, with an artificial sunrise alarm clock that makes waking up before actual sunrise marginally less unbearable. Coffee is the immediate priority, obviously. 

Then once my coffee cup and eyes are about half empty and half open, respectively, I get dressed. Since it's winter, usually this means a nice sweater or blouse and cardigan, with fleece-lined leggings, fuzzy socks, and slippers completing the ensemble. One of the very few perks of teaching from home: I only have to look professional from the waist up. (A student asked me in October, "Is this what you look like at real school?" I said yes. What they don't know won't hurt them.)

By 7:00am I'm usually logged on to my work computer. Class doesn't start until 9:00am but I need the time to prep my PowerPoints and assignments. Theoretically, there 95 minutes of daily planning time built into my duty day, but even when I get all 95 of those minutes (read: on the rare occasions that there are no meetings scheduled during that time), 95 minutes is still not enough to: 

• grade assignments, 
• sort through and respond to the approximately 8,000 emails from parents, principals, and colleagues who don't know the difference between "Reply" and "Reply All,"
• create a day's worth of lessons and online assignments essentially from scratch (because the majority of "digital lessons" provided by my school district are in reality Word documents with a few vague suggestions)
  
• do whatever else gets put on my to-do list by someone else. 
  

At about 8:45am, I microwave my half-cup of now-cold coffee that I forgot to finish drinking as soon as I opened my computer, and then I log on to Google Meet. It's not an exaggeration to say that within 0.002 seconds of my starting the online meeting, a happy little "bing!" announces the arrival of at least 2 students. I spend the next 10 to 15 minutes alternating between listening to what everyone had for breakfast, dodging rather personal questions ("Ms. L., how come you're not married?"), and repeating the same beginning-of-class instructions I read off the screen every day: "Finish eating your breakfast, use the bathroom, make sure you have your Math and Reading books and a pencil, make sure your computer is fully charged or plugged in, make sure you are in a quiet place where you can focus."

You would think that they know the drill by now, especially since all of these directions are also on the screen, with pictures, as they have been since day one. But you would be wrong, because every day, several children will turn on their microphones when I am mid-sentence halfway through a lesson to inform me that they're going to the bathroom, or going to get their notebook, or grabbing a charger, or they can't hear me, shouting over the TV blaring in their background to let me know. (These are the moments when I say, "Okay, class. Ms. L. needs to take some deep breaths now before she flips her lid. Take some deep breaths with me now, everybody.")

*IN....aaaannd OUT..........IN..........aaaaaannnnnddd OUT.*

I like to start off the day with a silly check-in of sorts. Sometimes it's things like, "If you were a donut, what kind would you be?" Last Friday it was:

Next up is the Pledge of Allegiance and attendance. (Lately, I've been having the kids say a tongue-twister when I call their names. I tell them it's good fluency practice, but really it's just because hearing twenty-two 8-year-olds trying to say "Unique New York" is freaking hilarious.)

Then we move into Math, during which I have to remind multiple students multiple times that it is not in fact nap time, so you need to please sit up and pick up your pencil. After about 35 minutes of this, I send a link in the meeting chat to a quick quiz so I can see what the kids understand and what I'll need to reteach. Only about 60% of my students will actually click the link and do the assignment, leaving me to guess at what the other 40% have (or haven't) learned and try to plan my next lesson accordingly.

After that, we move into small group time. I meet with a quarter of my class at a time to try to reinforce what we covered in whole-group...assuming the kids log on when they're supposed to. Which, considering I tell them at the end of Math exactly who needs to be back at what time, and send them a link to the timer in the chat, AND send their parents a copy of our schedule every week, you would think they would at least mostly do. But again, you would be incorrect. 

*Breathe IN....aaaannd OUT..........IN..........aaaaaannnnnddd OUT.* 

Rinse and repeat for each subject throughout the day, with an increasing number of students showing up late to class, if at all, as the day goes on. Throw in a few dozen technical difficulties of varying degrees for me to navigate (in case you're wondering, it's not exactly a cakewalk to troubleshoot remotely with an 8-year-old on the other end) and forgotten usernames and passwords (which haven't changed since the kids were in first grade)...small wonder I sometimes need a 10-minute nap at lunch to get through the rest of the day.

At 3:10pm, the very end of the day, I offer 20 minutes of "Optional Help Time" for the students to log back on and work on their assignments with me. Of course, the few students who choose to show up are almost always the students who have already completed their assignments. In that case, we usually do a read-aloud (we just finished Frindle before Winter Break), or we play some Simon Says, or I just let the kids talk to me and to each other about whatever they want. Even though by this point in the day, my brain is totally fried and my eyes hurt and I still have a million and one things on my to-do list, I'm secretly bummed to kick the kids off at 3:30. Those 20 minutes of just hanging out with my students are secretly my favorite part of the day.

Often I take a break after that and go outside or get a workout in, and sometimes I just power through, but either way, I usually work at least another hour and a half after school doing things I didn't have time to do during my actual work day...with still plenty left to do when I log back on at 7:00 tomorrow morning. *sigh*

Man, I miss actually being in school. The kids miss it, too. At least once a day, I get a question about what our real classroom is like and what we would be doing if we were there right now. We miss high-fives and hugs, birthday crowns and science experiments. We miss actual books and paper assignments. We miss the cafeteria, the classroom, recess. Most of all of course we miss just getting to go somewhere every day and be around other people...

But, as I tell the kiddos, we have to keep reminding ourselves that this is temporary. This is the safe thing to do right now. One day, we will go back to "real" school. ("When?" they ask me. 😭) Until then, we just gotta try to make the best of it and keep on keeping on.

 

On the bright side, I didn't have to remind any of my students to put on pants this week. #littlevictories

Anything else you wanna know about the teacher life? Hit me up. 🠋

Here's Looking at You, 2021.

Let's not dwell on 2020 too terribly much; it's sufficient to say that it's been a rough year no matter who you are. I don't know about you, but I am SO ready to say adiós to 2020. 

Me, to 2020.

In just a few short hours, it will be a whole new year, shiny and full of potential. In the spirit of new beginnings, it's time for some new intentions. (AKA New Year's Resolutions™, though I stopped calling them that a couple of years ago.) 

In the field of education, we talk a lot about something called a growth mindset. In a growth mindset, failures are seen as learning opportunities and personal traits as a "starting point for development." For example, a person with a growth mindset might fail a math test and say, "Okay, let me look back at the problems I've missed and see if I can figure out how to do them correctly so I'll get better at this type of problem. I'll ask my teacher to help me with the ones I can't figure out." (By contrast, in a fixed mindset, a person's traits and qualities are perceived as unchangeable, and failures are, well...failures. I.e., "I failed that test because I'm not good at math.") Focusing on perfection (or lack thereof) can be very disheartening. A growth mindset is empowering because it focuses on making progress, which everyone is capable of making, rather than an unattainable standard of "perfection," which almost certainly means failure one way or another.

If you're setting goals for self-improvement, congrats! You're already incorporating some principles of the growth mindset. 🎉 Now let's take a closer look at the goals you're setting...

A few weeks ago--during a faculty meeting of all things!--I had a bit of an epiphany in terms of personal development. In a segment about the best ways to correct and redirect students' behavior, including our tone, body language, word choice, and more, we were reminded to focus on the behaviors that we want to encourage, not those that we want to discourage. Whatever we give our attention to is what will continue.

If you've ever failed at a New Year's Resolution™ or any other goal (I say "if," but if you say you haven't, you and I both know you're full of s***) it may have been because you had a negative focus, e.g. "Stop eating junk food." To rephrase this goal using positive language, try something like, "Replace unhealthy snacks with healthy ones, and intentionally choose my 'treats.'" Now you're concentrating on the behavior that you want to establish and continue, rather than the one you want to quit. This makes it easier to focus on and celebrate your successes, rather than beat yourself up over "failures." 

And, as in a growth mindset, remember to look at your "failures" as learning opportunities. For example: Why did I eat that entire bag of Cheetos? Because I was completely engrossed in "The Queen's Gambit" and didn't realize how much I was eating. What could I do differently next time? Well, I could pour out some Cheetos into a small bowl to exercise portion control, or swap them out for guilt-free baby carrots. 

Another way to revamp your New Year's goals? Try SMART goals:

Specific - "Get in shape." 👎 "Get at least 3 twenty-minute workouts a week."👍

Measurable - How will you track your progress toward your goal?

Achievable - If you've never run a mile in your life, don't expect to run a marathon in February.

Relevant - Why are you setting this goal? You've got to have a good reason to help keep you motivated!

Time-Bound - Having checkpoints for yourself will help track your progress, keep you motivated, and provide opportunities to re-evaluate as needed.

For me personally, I've found that large goals with smaller steps built in to each tends to work best for me. (See my 2019 Goals & Intentions.) That being said, this past year has been an education in terms of realizing simultaneously how much and how little I can control. There are still a lot of unknowns going into 2021, and considering how far off the mark I was with how I thought 2020 was going to go, I'm not even going to attempt to predict what this upcoming year will look like.

So my 2021 Mantra, if you will...

I will direct my energies toward what I can control 

& let go of what is beyond my control.

 

Global pandemic? Largely beyond my control. What I can control is wearing my mask, social distancing, etc. to keep myself and others safe and healthy. Whether my gym is open: not within my control. Being a total couch potato all day or going on a 20-minute run and then becoming a couch potato? I can control that. Whether we teach online or in person? Beyond my control. Setting and maintaining work-life boundaries either way? That's something I can control.

But the biggest thing within my control which influences all else: my mindset. Though there are a LOT of circumstances beyond my control these days, my attitude and my reaction to what's going on around me ARE within my control. When I catch myself with a negative attitude, I need to pause, pivot, and strive for positivity. Easier said than done, but it's something I'll be working on all year (and probably beyond).

All right, now it's your turn: take a moment to think about your goals for 2021. Have you already made them? Do you want to edit them? Go ahead and write them down somewhere. I'll wait. 

Seriously, take your time. 

 

All done and ready to start fresh tomorrow and every day after that? Yay! Break out the bubbly and get ready to ring in the New Year! 🥳

Let's kick start this year with a new attitude and new intentions.

2021, here we come!

Wanna share your resolutions/goals/intentions for the New Year? I'd love to hear them! ⬎

The Curve

 In case you hadn't noticed, there has been a pretty steep curve during this pandemic. Yes, THAT curve...

...but also the learning curve. In the spirit of end-of-year self-reflection, I want to share what I've learned a lot about myself during these last few months.

Being the self-aware Type-A person that I am, I've always known that I like having structure to my days. The highly regulated schedule of my school workday and my various dance classes, yoga classes, climbing sessions, and soccer games kept me busy in the best possible way, with just enough leeway for most of the other things I wanted or needed to do. Three years into teaching, I finally had a healthy work-life balance.

So when the pandemic first shut everything down way back in March, my suddenly empty days scared the SH*T out of me. If it had just been a break from work, I would've been fine. Usually on a school break, I would hit the gym more frequently, see friends and family, pick up some extra dance lessons, travel...none of that was an option this time. Suddenly I had a whole lot of free time--something I try to avoid at all costs--and nothing to fill it with.

It was as though the loom upon which I'd been weaving the strands of my life together had vanished, and suddenly I was a tangled pile of string on the floor. All I felt able to do was stare at my computer screen, endlessly clicking "Continue Watching" whenever the screen paused and asked if I was still there. (Why don't you just keep your judgment to yourself, Netflix?) The self-loathing that accompanied these days of binge-watching was just an added bonus.

After about a week or so, this tangled pile of string knew she had to learn how to do macrame and give herself some structure. Who knew if or when that loom she had before might come back?

I did a lot of walking and running in those early days...anything that got me moving and out of the house made a huge difference in terms of my sanity. I can recall one day when I walked non-stop for 4 hours. (One of the perks of living in the same town you grew up in: almost no thinking required for navigation.) Often, I would call and check in with family members and friends while I walked. 

Unlike the many sourdough dabblers and banana bread fiends at that time, I couldn't really get into cooking and baking due to a less-than-ideal living situation. (Read: psycho roommate who, among other things, couldn't share the kitchen. Fortunately, I was able to escape at the end of April with a few shreds of my sanity.)

If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

It was honestly such a relief when we started teaching online in the spring. At that point, we only had to be online for a couple of hours a day, and it was more about checking in with our students and their families than anything else. Still, that tiny bit of structure made all the difference. Having that one block of time that I needed to work around each day allowed me to build the rest of my day into some semblance of normal. Or at least functional.

(Of course, virtual school is now eating my entire life, but more on that later.)

Having had the experience of everything shutting down, I know now just how crucial it is for me to have structure in my day with some form of external accountability in place. I've always thought of myself as a very self-motivated individual, but it turns out that when I have all the time in the world, I become a couch potato. A rather disappointing discovery, I'll admit, but if (Universe forbid) everything were to shut down all over again, I like to think I'd be better able to handle it, armed with this new self-knowledge.

TLDR; Type A millennial falls apart when COVID shut everything down (shocker) and pulls herself together (ish).

Better Late Than Never

Belatedly it dawns on me that I probably should've been blogging throughout this whole coronavirus thing for several reasons:

1. Documentation for future generations. I can see it now: me, still teaching 3rd grade 20 years from now, telling my students, "This is what life was like during the great COVID-19 Pandemic." 
2. Documentation for myself. Honestly, I have no idea what I did during most of the initial weeks of lockdown. Would've been interesting to be able to look back and see what the heck I did. (Plus I might have been more motivated to do interesting things for the sake of the blog if nothing else.) 
3. Y'all would've had something to read in those weeks and weeks of lockdown. But then when would you have watched "Tiger King" and baked banana bread??
   
4. When have I ever had so much free time? I mean, sure, now that I'm teaching online, I feel like a first-year teacher again with no time for anything but school and lesson planning and prepping. But in those early days I had nothing BUT time. #missedopportunity 

Oh, well...I'm here now. 

Better late than never, right?

It's been so long that I kind of forgot that I have this blog, to be honest. 🙈 But I've missed writing, so in the interest of doing more of what makes me happy, here I am. While I'm not dumb enough to promise another post soon (and you're not naive enough to believe it even if I did promise it), I will say that you haven't heard the last from me. 

See ya again soon(ish).

Mid-Year Check-in: 2019 Goals

Hello! Long time no see. The end of the school year has been keeping me busy, but it's (finally) winding down, so here I am!

Ta-Da!

Since we'll shortly be kicking off the sixth month of 2019, it seems like a good time to check in with my 2019 Intentions. (You may remember my issue with calling them New Year's Resolutions...if not, you can refresh your memory here.)

I think I've had more success with my not-resolutions than I have with any resolutions that I've made in previous years. (Remember the great Whole30 failure of 2017, anyone?)

Anyway, the whole point of me writing this here blog post is to 1) celebrate the progress that I've made thus far and 2) take a look at what I still need to work on: 

1. Fill my cup. ✔
• I resolved to be more fearless about putting myself out there and trying new things. Taking dance lessons has been a major accomplishment in that area. I basically signed my graceless self up to make a fool out of myself in front of other people three times a week--which is a healthy little ego-check for me--and I'm having a blast. 😃 
• Lots more climbing and a little more reading and way less bingewatching...definitely all positives. I've also made a conscious effort to have more intentional moments where I am entirely present, like drinking my morning coffee out on the deck and leaving my phone inside. 
• Part of this goal also includes letting shit go. I'm not saying that I have managed to completely stop beating myself up over things I can't change, but I'm definitely not holding on to stuff for nearly as long. I'm also making fewer excuses for myself. If I screw up, I'm trying to own it rather than find a reason that it wasn't my fault. I've found that once I take accountability for a mistake I've made, it's actually easier to fix it, and eventually let it go. Personal growth? I think so!
• I also resolved to let go of people who don't value/respect me and people who bring out the worst in me. I've been able to do that in a lot of ways--which wasn't always easy, but definitely for the best--but I've also realized that there are some instances where cutting someone out of my life isn't an option. For example, at work. But I'm happy to report that I'm finding ways to deal with these people. I'm not getting into specifics, but I am super proud that I've upped my confrontation game and been able to have somewhat productive conversations with problematic (for lack of a better word) people in order to actually solve the problems, rather than just accepting how these people act toward me. 
2. Pour from my cup. Less success here...
• Baby Step #1: Actively trying to think more of others. Unfortunately, I think I'm still fairly oblivious. I am maybe slightly more aware of others' needs/wants/expectations since I set this goal, but it tends to be in an after-the-fact kind of way. Like, we third grade teachers will usually pool our money when we need to buy a gift for someone (which happens a couple of times a month). But when I chip in my money, it never occurs to me that maybe I should volunteer and say, "Hey, I'll buy the gift this time," until after someone else has gone ahead and done it already. Then I have a moment of, "Oh, it probably should've been my turn to buy it." 
• Baby Step #2: Acting on my awareness of others' needs. Baby Step #1 is kind of a prerequisite for this one, so...not so much progress in this department. Yet.
3. Get on top of my finances. 👍 Making progress!
• I've started actually budgeting! *GASP* I've had a few false starts with budgeting in previous years, but I think I've finally found a system that works for me. An app, believe it or not. (If you know me at all, you know I generally prefer low-tech solutions, for Terminator-related reasons.) I use Everydollar to plan out my money each month, and then track my income and spending as it occurs. Am I always able to stay within my self-imposed limits? No, but I have realized that if I overspend, the money has to come from somewhere. If I buy more clothes, the difference might come out of my dining-out budget for the month. Or maybe it means that I can't put as much into my travel savings. This app has really made it easy to make sure that I'm not spending more than I make, and to work toward my savings goals. (So thanks Rachel for sharing your budgeting tips!)
• I've also discovered Mr. Money Mustache, who has changed the way that I look at buying things. Am I living his uber-frugal lifestyle and planning to retire at age 30? No, but I am consciously trying to buy less/be more intentional about what I do buy, and am beginning to look into investing to make my money work for me. I've also decided to put off buying a new/new-to-me car until I really need to, which--knock on wood--hopefully won't be for a few years, and by that time it should be completely paid off. 

I'm definitely happy with the progress that I've made so far, but I ain't done yet. Going forward, I want to keep up the good habits that I've cultivated thus far in 2019, and refocus on goal #2: striving for a less self-centered Jess. (Or is saying that on blog all about me too ironic?) 

How are y'all doing with your New Year's Resolutions? I want to hear about your successes and struggles! Comment below. ☺ 

1, 2, 3...1, 2, 3...

Your favorite blogger has a new hobby.

I'm as surprised as you are.

As you may recall, one of my goals for 2019 is to do more things that fill my cup.  It turns out that ballroom dancing is one of those things.

I've never been a dancer--think stereotypical white guy moves and a few Fortnite dances I bust out when I start to lose my students' attention--but the idea of taking dance lessons has been rolling around in my brain for a while now. I've gone ballroom dancing once or twice before with friends, and I've always had fun. But it just seemed like one of those things that you need someone else to do with you.

But you know what? I'm not waiting on someone else.

My philosophy since my big Europe trip has been "Screw it, I'm doing what I want, even if it means I'm doing it alone," and it's worked out pretty well for me. I mean, if I waited on other people to do things with me, I wouldn't have gone to Italy, I wouldn't have gone skydiving...who knows what else I might miss out on if I'm waiting on someone else?

So I went and signed myself up for dance lessons.

And you know what? It's fun, dammit!

So far, I've learned the basic steps for about 10 different dances, as well as some turns. I've followed a lot of more complicated moves that my dance partners have led me through as well, which I'm rather proud of. [insert nonchalant hair flip here]

Everyone keeps asking me how long I've been dancing, and they don't believe that I never took lessons before last month. Which is a nice little ego boost for me, but it's also helped me figure out more about myself and how I learn. 

I've come to the conclusion that I'm not a formulaic learner; I don't learn very well when someone tries to explain the steps to me and count them out. I need to see them and just follow along until I get the hang of it. 

My brain seems to do better when it observes and figures out the rules and patterns for itself, rather than having the rules explained to me and then trying to fit things in to those patterns. (Which is probably why I struggled so much with math in school; they'd give me the theorems and say, "Now go use them.") 

But actually.

When they start counting out the steps out in the group dance lessons, it tends to throw me off; I just need to see the step and how it fits into the music, then go. Ditto for the more complicated moves: as long as I know what it should look like, I can usually follow it.

I think that's probably how I learned how to write, too: I read a lot of books (good ones and not-so-good ones), subconsciously taking notes on what to do and what not to do as a writer, and then trying my hand at it. 

Come to think of it, that's how I learned how to do the brakes on my car, too. Couldn't learn that from a book...had to watch my dad and then do what he did. (Thanks, dad!) 

All that to say: it only took me 18 years as a student and 2 as a teacher to figure out the best way for me to learn. #betterlatethannever

Anywho, this dancing fool will be looking to take her skills out for a spin soon. 

All I'm missing is Patrick Swayze.

(May or may not have watched this movie before writing this post.)

Catch me on the dance floor, yo.

Things I Left in 2018

If you read my New Year's Not-Resolutions post, you know that one of my big goals for 2019 is to do more things that "fill my cup."

My metaphorical cup is a cup of coffee, obvs.

In plain English, this means doing more things that make me feel fulfilled. Things like skydiving and reading and rock climbing and traveling, for example.

Something just as important as filling my cup is minimizing the "drains on my cup." This is different from "pouring from my cup," AKA giving (which I want to do more of). Things that drain my cup are my stressors, which empty my cup before I have a chance to pour from it.

In order for me to let in all the good stuff that 2019 has in store for me, I need to let go of some ish that has held me back in previous years.

So without further ado, here is a list of things that I'm leaving in 2018:

1. Beating myself up over things I can't change. I'm not the most socially adept individual, and I'm often haunted by things that I say or do that I realize were awkward/uncomfortable/wrong. They replay in my brain, a sort of low-lights reel of my real (and imagined) faux pas. Bigger things also haunt me, like times that I've hurt people (whether I meant to or not) and bad decisions that I've made, knowing even as I made them that I would regret it. Memories of these moments swirl around in my brain even years after the fact, and they'll consume me if I let them. I can't go back in time and change what I said or did. And even if I could, I wouldn't. Those moments helped shape me into who I am today. But I'm done being held hostage by them. When these thoughts begin to invade, I've begun taking a deep inhale and letting the thoughts sit for just a moment, and then as I exhale, I consciously think (or say aloud) one of two things. For the little things, it's "Let that shit go." And for the big ones: "I forgive me." And then I move on.  

2. Making excuses for myself. Self-love is so so important. I have to take care of me before I can take care of anybody else. Sometimes self-love for me is realizing that I'm so completely burned out by my workday that I just need to go home and relax with some Doritos and a book. Other times my self-love looks more like tough love, because yes, I'm tired at the end of my long hard school day, but this is the kind of tired that is best remedied by a good solid sweat sesh, so I'm going to make myself go to the gym anyway. I'm holding myself accountable for doing what I truly need to do, and a huge part of that is not letting myself make excuses to get out of it. I've realized that no one else is going to call me out on my bullshit; it's up to me to do that.  

3. Defeatist mentality. This world is an effed up place with a capital F. (I think we can all agree on that.) But when I let myself dwell on that reality, I get overwhelmed by a crippling feeling of "What's the point in trying? I can't make a difference with all that's wrong in the world." That's bullshit, and I'm calling myself on it. The small amount of difference that I am able to make will compound with all of the small differences that other people are making and create a big difference. I have to consciously try to see the positivity and the hope that exist in this world alongside and in spite of all the shit. 

4. People who don't value/respect me. People who don't respect me and my worth make me question my own value and doubt myself. Ain't nobody got time for that.

If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

5. People who bring out the worst in me. (This kind of goes with #4.) I'm on a quest to become a better version of myself, and being around certain people makes it too easy to slip into old habits (or new bad habits). It's not necessarily their fault, but--hard as it may be--I need to say goodbye to those people in order to continue growing. I need to surround myself with people who want to see me become my best self, and who encourage me to do so. 

None of this comes easily, but it's especially hard for me to cut ties with the people that I mentioned in #4 and #5 because most of the time, they are people whom I at one time wanted in my life; they have been important to me. Many of the people who are no longer "good for me" were once good friends, and since I'm not very good at making friends to begin with, I think that I probably held on to some of those people longer than I should have out of fear of being lonely.

But ya know what? It's time. I've got to make space for all the awesome people coming to me in 2019. (Including Jess 2.0!)

To each and every one of the people I'm saying goodbye to: thank you for coming into my life, and for the part you have played in making me the person who I am today. I wish you all the best--I truly mean that. If I see ya around, I'll still have a smile for ya. 😉

And hey, a sincere and heartfelt thank you to those of you in my life who do inspire and encourage me to be a better version of myself. You know who you are. (Or I'll tell ya soon enough. 😘)

I'm a work in progress...sometimes I find the things that I said "good riddance" to at the end of 2018 trying to creep into 2019. So I just keep reminding myself...

Let that shit go. 

#mantra2019

($1.25 in the swear jar, if you're keeping track at home.) 

New Year, New Words

In case you haven't noticed, I'm not the greatest at following through on things.

I never got around to writing about the last month or so of my Europe 2016 trip, nor did I ever post about the last few cities I visited on my Italian adventure over the summer. And just two months ago in November, I promised to post twice a month on this here blog.

Yeah...that didn't happen.

This is the part where I say that one of my 2019 New Year's Resolutions™ is to follow through on my promises, to finish what I start, and to fulfill each and every one of my commitments!

(At least not this year.)

For one thing, I've decided that New Year's Resolutions don't work for me. 

Part of the reason is that it's way too much pressure. Every time that I have resolved to do something starting January 1st--whether it's don't eat junk food, exercise 6 days a week, or journal every day--I've fallen off the wagon by Groundhog Day and then written off the rest of the year. ("Oh well. I tried. I'll try again next year.") With New Year's Resolutions, I tend to get into the mindset of "I have to get it perfect from the get-go." There's no room for making mistakes, for starting over, for growing and making progress. It's all or nothing, and that just isn't a sustainable way of thinking.

The other reason is that the whole big, grand "New Year's Resolution" title steals significance from all of the other goals that I've made and achieved in other parts of the year. I don't just make goals in January; I'm constantly striving to become the person that I want to be. 

So this year, I've rebranded, and am working on my Goals for 2019. AKA my 2019 Intentions. AKA, the things that I'm going to make happen this year. (They have many names.)

I'm being more intentional, and defining both the big, overarching themes of things that I want to work on, as well as the smaller things that I can change in order to make that happen. I'm expecting to make mistakes, and I'm also expecting to make growth. Each month, each week, each day is a chance to start working on a new small step that will bring me closer to my overall goals, or to start over, as needed. 

So without further ado, here are Jess's 2019 Intentions: 

1. Fill my cup. As a teacher, one of the metaphors that you hear a lot is "You can't pour from an empty cup." It basically translates to "Make sure you take care of yourself, so you can take care of the kids." 
• This year I will try to be more fearless about doing things that fill my cup. I will try not to be intimidated by putting myself out there in the course of trying new things. 
• Examples of things that make me feel fulfilled: learning (just for the heck of it), climbing (I want to do some outdoor climbing this year), traveling (obviously. But this year, fewer cities and more nature), and reading (instead of mindlessly bingewatching). And more!
2. Pour from my cup. The whole point of filling your cup is so that you can use what's in you to help fill others' cups. 
• I'm a selfish person. I know this, and rather than getting defensive and denying it (as I have in the past), I'm accepting it and trying to work on it. 
• Baby Step #1: Actively trying to think more of others. I tend to be fairly oblivious to anything outside of my own needs and desires. I am going to begin consciously trying to look beyond myself in order to see others' wants and needs. 
• Baby Step #2: Once my eyes are opened to others and their needs, I can begin "inconveniencing" myself in order to help others. I say "inconvenience" because I need to help others with no expectation of getting anything myself (otherwise, it's still selfish). Instead of thinking "Why should I help them? They haven't done anything for me," I will think "Why should I help them? Because I can see that they could use some help, and because I am capable of offering help," or "Why should I do this for them? Because it will make them happy."
• Added Bonus: doing things for other human beings will help keep me from getting wrapped up in and swallowed by my own shiznit.
3. Get on top of my finances. This one is a little more concrete. I have been somewhat negligent with my finances; and while I'm not in a bad position financially, I am finding that I don't have the money to do some of the things that I want to do. This year, I will be more proactive and intentional with my money, which will give me greater freedom to do things that fill my cup, and will prevent my finances from becoming a stressor. 
• I'd like to start working towards larger, longer-term financial goals, such as buying a new car (since my car's transmission is turning out to be a potentially very expensive and unpredictable hunk of junk). 
• I've already started working on my financial goal. A high school track teammate recently shared her personal finance blog on social media, and I've found it very helpful. 

So there you have it, folks. New year, same me. And by "same me" I mean "constantly trying to be a better me."

Happy New Year.

(I would say "new post coming soon," but we all know how that'll go. 🤣)

A Prologue and a Plea for Ideas

The shrill screech shattered the tense silence induced by the division quiz in room 210. Necks cricked and pencils hit the floor as the collective focus of twenty-six 9-year-olds was completely diverted to the back left corner of the room. 

It was impossible to tell which of the four students seated at table 3 had uttered such a shriek; each face wore an identical look of shock, and as any elementary school teacher will tell you, pre-pubescent boys are just as prone to high-pitched screams as girls. 

Strong start, right? I'm happy with it.

The problem is, the first couple of sentences sprang into my head fully-formed, and the rest of the story hasn't followed. So anyone reading this is invited to throw some ideas my way...I'll keep working on this piece, but I wanted to get down what I had so far because ya girl was in the mood to write this morning!

A Bit of a Brain Dump and a Resolution

Hi. I know I kind of dropped off the face of the blogiverse...sorry. The school year started, over two months ago, actually, and life got busy.

...I know. Excuses, excuses.

I don't really have any new content to share today, travel-wise anyway, but I wanted to write something anyway.

See, I've been watching Jane the Virgin. It's my guilty-pleasure TV show. But I don't have to justify that to you. I enjoy watching it and that's all that really matters.

I'll be the first to admit that it's not the greatest TV show out there--it's basically a telenovela with some comedic aspects--but the thing about the show that's really been sticking with me even after I log off Netflix isn't all the dramatic happenings of the show (which have included love triangles, secret identical twins, and numerous other soap-opera clichés). In fact, the thing that's been sticking with me probably the least exciting aspect of this show.

Jane is a writer. And she just doesn't stop writing. She's a single mom, and a student, and her life is a complete and utter mess 95% of the time. But still, she always finds the time to write, because it's what she loves.

I love to write. Always have. But I haven't been making time for it. And what I'm learning now that I'm adulting full-time is that you're never going to find time for anything. You have to make time for the things that matter to you. And writing does matter to me; that's one of the reasons why I started this blog.

So this is me resolving to make time for my writing. I'm publishing this post because it'll help me hold myself accountable.

I'm starting small; just two posts a month. No promises about what the content might be...could be flashbacks to my travels or funny teaching stories, could be poetry or prose, fiction or non-fiction.

If that doesn't interest you, no hard feelings. I'm doing this for me.

That being said, I would welcome any constructive feedback y'all would care to offer. But if you're just down to read and not comment, or not read and not comment, that's fine too.

Anyway. That's all for now...thanks for reading this post.

Cinque Terre è Bellissimo

Here's what you need to know about Cinque Terre (or at least what I knew before I went there):

• It's freaking gorgeous.
• Cinque Terre is a collection of five fishing villages that have since become adorable beach towns: Monterosso, Vernazza, Corniglia, Manarola, and Riomaggiore.
• All five villages are connected by trains and by hiking trails. Cars are all but outlawed, which makes sense, considering that the vast majority of the "streets" in Cinque Terre look like this:

• The towns are along a very cliff-like coastline, which means incredible views of the Tyrrhenian Sea. It also means rather steep streets and hiking trails. 

I don't remember the first time that I heard of Cinque Terre, but I do remember that as soon as I saw pictures of the string of 5 colorful seaside towns along the Italian Riviera, I knew I HAD to go there.

I mean, just look at it!

So after one last cappuccino in Rome, Lauren and I parted ways at the train station; she heading northeast to Parma, and me heading northwest to Cinque Terre.

After a very scenic train ride along the coast, I arrived in Vernazza, the 2nd-northernmost of the five towns in Cinque Terre. My Airbnb host met me at the train station and showed me to the cutest little room that was to be my home base for the next two nights.

Most adorable Airbnb yet!

Vernazza is a teeny little beach town; the main road leads right from the train station to the small beach, which doubles as the town's harbor. I spent most of the afternoon wandering up and down the streets, just getting oriented to the town and snagging some spectacular views before hitting the beach to soak up some sun.

It was really starting to feel like I was on vacation.

I'm sure it will come as no surprise to you that I squeezed in two trips to the gelato shop before calling it a night.

The next day, I got an early start, and after a cappuccino and Nutella croissant--man, I could go for another one of those right about now--I headed south out of town along the hiking trail to Corniglia.

What should probably have only taken me an hour and a half turned out to be about a two hour hike, because I kept stopping to take in the mind-bogglingly beautiful views:

Eventually, I made it to Corniglia, where I cooled off--you guessed it--with some gelato as I meandered along the winding streets.

It was in Corniglia that I first discovered the appeal of the rocky beach. After following a very steep set of stone steps, I arrived here: 

 

SO. FREAKING> GORGEOUS.

Anyway. Major advantages of rocky beaches include:

1. Less crowded.
2. Sand doesn't get all up in yo bidness. 
3. The water is so flipping clear (no sand clouding it up). 
4. The aforementioned sand doesn't get all in your stuff. 
5. Way more interesting scenery; watching waves hit rocks is way better than watching waves hit the same smooth stretch of sand over and over again. 
6. No sand to stick all over you and your shiznit. (Have I mentioned this already?)

Being the dingus that I am, I didn't have my swimsuit in my daypack; I'd dressed for a day of hiking without considering the possibility of getting in the water. (I know, I know....like I said: dingus.) 

I consoled myself with some more gelato before heading south out of Corniglia toward Manarola, only to find that the trail was closed for maintenance. (Apparently there had been some flooding earlier in the year, and the trails from Corniglia to Manarola and from Manarola to Riomaggiore were both closed.)

I chose to interpret it as a sign from the universe to head back north, and after a brief stop back at my Airbnb in Vernazza to grab my swimsuit--see? I can learn from my mistakes!--I hiked an hour and a half north to Monterosso. 

I was almost to the town when I spotted a side path down toward the water. I say "side path." It was really more of a trace of a trail along a foot-wide ledge. 

I'm all about following whims when I travel, so I (very carefully) edged my way along the path until I arrived here: 

I spread out my towel on a large rock before scooching into the clearest water I've ever swam in outside of a swimming pool. After about an hour of soaking up the sun and sea, I watched as two guys climbed up to a ledge about 20 feet above a cave. After they spent 5 minutes debating how deep the water below them was, one of them belly-flopped off the ledge into the water. The other guy followed with a little more technique.

You already know this adrenaline junkie was next off that ledge.

It wasn't quite high enough for me to check cliff-jumping off my bucket list, but it was still pretty dang fun!

As the sun started to set, I toweled off and headed into the town of Monterosso in search of dinner.

I forgot to take a picture of my asparagus risotto (I was so hungry it was gone before it occurred to me to Instagram that shiz), but take my word for it, it was pretty darn tasty. A couple of glasses of wine later, I headed for the train back to Vernazza, stopping along the way for some gelato at a shop that was blasting 80's music.

I caught several of my fellow passengers eyeing my pistachio and dark chocolate cone jealously on the train.

On my last morning in Vernazza, I spent most of the morning lingering over a cappuccino and croissant with a view of the harbor, before catching my train to Venice. 

Cinque Terre, I'll be back! And until then, you'll be on my mind.