Here's Looking at You, 2021.

Let's not dwell on 2020 too terribly much; it's sufficient to say that it's been a rough year no matter who you are. I don't know about you, but I am SO ready to say adiós to 2020. 

Me, to 2020.

In just a few short hours, it will be a whole new year, shiny and full of potential. In the spirit of new beginnings, it's time for some new intentions. (AKA New Year's Resolutions™, though I stopped calling them that a couple of years ago.) 

In the field of education, we talk a lot about something called a growth mindset. In a growth mindset, failures are seen as learning opportunities and personal traits as a "starting point for development." For example, a person with a growth mindset might fail a math test and say, "Okay, let me look back at the problems I've missed and see if I can figure out how to do them correctly so I'll get better at this type of problem. I'll ask my teacher to help me with the ones I can't figure out." (By contrast, in a fixed mindset, a person's traits and qualities are perceived as unchangeable, and failures are, well...failures. I.e., "I failed that test because I'm not good at math.") Focusing on perfection (or lack thereof) can be very disheartening. A growth mindset is empowering because it focuses on making progress, which everyone is capable of making, rather than an unattainable standard of "perfection," which almost certainly means failure one way or another.

If you're setting goals for self-improvement, congrats! You're already incorporating some principles of the growth mindset. 🎉 Now let's take a closer look at the goals you're setting...

A few weeks ago--during a faculty meeting of all things!--I had a bit of an epiphany in terms of personal development. In a segment about the best ways to correct and redirect students' behavior, including our tone, body language, word choice, and more, we were reminded to focus on the behaviors that we want to encourage, not those that we want to discourage. Whatever we give our attention to is what will continue.

If you've ever failed at a New Year's Resolution™ or any other goal (I say "if," but if you say you haven't, you and I both know you're full of s***) it may have been because you had a negative focus, e.g. "Stop eating junk food." To rephrase this goal using positive language, try something like, "Replace unhealthy snacks with healthy ones, and intentionally choose my 'treats.'" Now you're concentrating on the behavior that you want to establish and continue, rather than the one you want to quit. This makes it easier to focus on and celebrate your successes, rather than beat yourself up over "failures." 

And, as in a growth mindset, remember to look at your "failures" as learning opportunities. For example: Why did I eat that entire bag of Cheetos? Because I was completely engrossed in "The Queen's Gambit" and didn't realize how much I was eating. What could I do differently next time? Well, I could pour out some Cheetos into a small bowl to exercise portion control, or swap them out for guilt-free baby carrots. 

Another way to revamp your New Year's goals? Try SMART goals:

Specific - "Get in shape." 👎 "Get at least 3 twenty-minute workouts a week."👍

Measurable - How will you track your progress toward your goal?

Achievable - If you've never run a mile in your life, don't expect to run a marathon in February.

Relevant - Why are you setting this goal? You've got to have a good reason to help keep you motivated!

Time-Bound - Having checkpoints for yourself will help track your progress, keep you motivated, and provide opportunities to re-evaluate as needed.

For me personally, I've found that large goals with smaller steps built in to each tends to work best for me. (See my 2019 Goals & Intentions.) That being said, this past year has been an education in terms of realizing simultaneously how much and how little I can control. There are still a lot of unknowns going into 2021, and considering how far off the mark I was with how I thought 2020 was going to go, I'm not even going to attempt to predict what this upcoming year will look like.

So my 2021 Mantra, if you will...

I will direct my energies toward what I can control 

& let go of what is beyond my control.

 

Global pandemic? Largely beyond my control. What I can control is wearing my mask, social distancing, etc. to keep myself and others safe and healthy. Whether my gym is open: not within my control. Being a total couch potato all day or going on a 20-minute run and then becoming a couch potato? I can control that. Whether we teach online or in person? Beyond my control. Setting and maintaining work-life boundaries either way? That's something I can control.

But the biggest thing within my control which influences all else: my mindset. Though there are a LOT of circumstances beyond my control these days, my attitude and my reaction to what's going on around me ARE within my control. When I catch myself with a negative attitude, I need to pause, pivot, and strive for positivity. Easier said than done, but it's something I'll be working on all year (and probably beyond).

All right, now it's your turn: take a moment to think about your goals for 2021. Have you already made them? Do you want to edit them? Go ahead and write them down somewhere. I'll wait. 

Seriously, take your time. 

 

All done and ready to start fresh tomorrow and every day after that? Yay! Break out the bubbly and get ready to ring in the New Year! 🥳

Let's kick start this year with a new attitude and new intentions.

2021, here we come!

Wanna share your resolutions/goals/intentions for the New Year? I'd love to hear them! ⬎

The Curve

 In case you hadn't noticed, there has been a pretty steep curve during this pandemic. Yes, THAT curve...

...but also the learning curve. In the spirit of end-of-year self-reflection, I want to share what I've learned a lot about myself during these last few months.

Being the self-aware Type-A person that I am, I've always known that I like having structure to my days. The highly regulated schedule of my school workday and my various dance classes, yoga classes, climbing sessions, and soccer games kept me busy in the best possible way, with just enough leeway for most of the other things I wanted or needed to do. Three years into teaching, I finally had a healthy work-life balance.

So when the pandemic first shut everything down way back in March, my suddenly empty days scared the SH*T out of me. If it had just been a break from work, I would've been fine. Usually on a school break, I would hit the gym more frequently, see friends and family, pick up some extra dance lessons, travel...none of that was an option this time. Suddenly I had a whole lot of free time--something I try to avoid at all costs--and nothing to fill it with.

It was as though the loom upon which I'd been weaving the strands of my life together had vanished, and suddenly I was a tangled pile of string on the floor. All I felt able to do was stare at my computer screen, endlessly clicking "Continue Watching" whenever the screen paused and asked if I was still there. (Why don't you just keep your judgment to yourself, Netflix?) The self-loathing that accompanied these days of binge-watching was just an added bonus.

After about a week or so, this tangled pile of string knew she had to learn how to do macrame and give herself some structure. Who knew if or when that loom she had before might come back?

I did a lot of walking and running in those early days...anything that got me moving and out of the house made a huge difference in terms of my sanity. I can recall one day when I walked non-stop for 4 hours. (One of the perks of living in the same town you grew up in: almost no thinking required for navigation.) Often, I would call and check in with family members and friends while I walked. 

Unlike the many sourdough dabblers and banana bread fiends at that time, I couldn't really get into cooking and baking due to a less-than-ideal living situation. (Read: psycho roommate who, among other things, couldn't share the kitchen. Fortunately, I was able to escape at the end of April with a few shreds of my sanity.)

If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

It was honestly such a relief when we started teaching online in the spring. At that point, we only had to be online for a couple of hours a day, and it was more about checking in with our students and their families than anything else. Still, that tiny bit of structure made all the difference. Having that one block of time that I needed to work around each day allowed me to build the rest of my day into some semblance of normal. Or at least functional.

(Of course, virtual school is now eating my entire life, but more on that later.)

Having had the experience of everything shutting down, I know now just how crucial it is for me to have structure in my day with some form of external accountability in place. I've always thought of myself as a very self-motivated individual, but it turns out that when I have all the time in the world, I become a couch potato. A rather disappointing discovery, I'll admit, but if (Universe forbid) everything were to shut down all over again, I like to think I'd be better able to handle it, armed with this new self-knowledge.

TLDR; Type A millennial falls apart when COVID shut everything down (shocker) and pulls herself together (ish).

Mid-Year Check-in: 2019 Goals

Hello! Long time no see. The end of the school year has been keeping me busy, but it's (finally) winding down, so here I am!

Ta-Da!

Since we'll shortly be kicking off the sixth month of 2019, it seems like a good time to check in with my 2019 Intentions. (You may remember my issue with calling them New Year's Resolutions...if not, you can refresh your memory here.)

I think I've had more success with my not-resolutions than I have with any resolutions that I've made in previous years. (Remember the great Whole30 failure of 2017, anyone?)

Anyway, the whole point of me writing this here blog post is to 1) celebrate the progress that I've made thus far and 2) take a look at what I still need to work on: 

1. Fill my cup. ✔
• I resolved to be more fearless about putting myself out there and trying new things. Taking dance lessons has been a major accomplishment in that area. I basically signed my graceless self up to make a fool out of myself in front of other people three times a week--which is a healthy little ego-check for me--and I'm having a blast. 😃 
• Lots more climbing and a little more reading and way less bingewatching...definitely all positives. I've also made a conscious effort to have more intentional moments where I am entirely present, like drinking my morning coffee out on the deck and leaving my phone inside. 
• Part of this goal also includes letting shit go. I'm not saying that I have managed to completely stop beating myself up over things I can't change, but I'm definitely not holding on to stuff for nearly as long. I'm also making fewer excuses for myself. If I screw up, I'm trying to own it rather than find a reason that it wasn't my fault. I've found that once I take accountability for a mistake I've made, it's actually easier to fix it, and eventually let it go. Personal growth? I think so!
• I also resolved to let go of people who don't value/respect me and people who bring out the worst in me. I've been able to do that in a lot of ways--which wasn't always easy, but definitely for the best--but I've also realized that there are some instances where cutting someone out of my life isn't an option. For example, at work. But I'm happy to report that I'm finding ways to deal with these people. I'm not getting into specifics, but I am super proud that I've upped my confrontation game and been able to have somewhat productive conversations with problematic (for lack of a better word) people in order to actually solve the problems, rather than just accepting how these people act toward me. 
2. Pour from my cup. Less success here...
• Baby Step #1: Actively trying to think more of others. Unfortunately, I think I'm still fairly oblivious. I am maybe slightly more aware of others' needs/wants/expectations since I set this goal, but it tends to be in an after-the-fact kind of way. Like, we third grade teachers will usually pool our money when we need to buy a gift for someone (which happens a couple of times a month). But when I chip in my money, it never occurs to me that maybe I should volunteer and say, "Hey, I'll buy the gift this time," until after someone else has gone ahead and done it already. Then I have a moment of, "Oh, it probably should've been my turn to buy it." 
• Baby Step #2: Acting on my awareness of others' needs. Baby Step #1 is kind of a prerequisite for this one, so...not so much progress in this department. Yet.
3. Get on top of my finances. 👍 Making progress!
• I've started actually budgeting! *GASP* I've had a few false starts with budgeting in previous years, but I think I've finally found a system that works for me. An app, believe it or not. (If you know me at all, you know I generally prefer low-tech solutions, for Terminator-related reasons.) I use Everydollar to plan out my money each month, and then track my income and spending as it occurs. Am I always able to stay within my self-imposed limits? No, but I have realized that if I overspend, the money has to come from somewhere. If I buy more clothes, the difference might come out of my dining-out budget for the month. Or maybe it means that I can't put as much into my travel savings. This app has really made it easy to make sure that I'm not spending more than I make, and to work toward my savings goals. (So thanks Rachel for sharing your budgeting tips!)
• I've also discovered Mr. Money Mustache, who has changed the way that I look at buying things. Am I living his uber-frugal lifestyle and planning to retire at age 30? No, but I am consciously trying to buy less/be more intentional about what I do buy, and am beginning to look into investing to make my money work for me. I've also decided to put off buying a new/new-to-me car until I really need to, which--knock on wood--hopefully won't be for a few years, and by that time it should be completely paid off. 

I'm definitely happy with the progress that I've made so far, but I ain't done yet. Going forward, I want to keep up the good habits that I've cultivated thus far in 2019, and refocus on goal #2: striving for a less self-centered Jess. (Or is saying that on blog all about me too ironic?) 

How are y'all doing with your New Year's Resolutions? I want to hear about your successes and struggles! Comment below. ☺ 

New Year, New Words

In case you haven't noticed, I'm not the greatest at following through on things.

I never got around to writing about the last month or so of my Europe 2016 trip, nor did I ever post about the last few cities I visited on my Italian adventure over the summer. And just two months ago in November, I promised to post twice a month on this here blog.

Yeah...that didn't happen.

This is the part where I say that one of my 2019 New Year's Resolutions™ is to follow through on my promises, to finish what I start, and to fulfill each and every one of my commitments!

(At least not this year.)

For one thing, I've decided that New Year's Resolutions don't work for me. 

Part of the reason is that it's way too much pressure. Every time that I have resolved to do something starting January 1st--whether it's don't eat junk food, exercise 6 days a week, or journal every day--I've fallen off the wagon by Groundhog Day and then written off the rest of the year. ("Oh well. I tried. I'll try again next year.") With New Year's Resolutions, I tend to get into the mindset of "I have to get it perfect from the get-go." There's no room for making mistakes, for starting over, for growing and making progress. It's all or nothing, and that just isn't a sustainable way of thinking.

The other reason is that the whole big, grand "New Year's Resolution" title steals significance from all of the other goals that I've made and achieved in other parts of the year. I don't just make goals in January; I'm constantly striving to become the person that I want to be. 

So this year, I've rebranded, and am working on my Goals for 2019. AKA my 2019 Intentions. AKA, the things that I'm going to make happen this year. (They have many names.)

I'm being more intentional, and defining both the big, overarching themes of things that I want to work on, as well as the smaller things that I can change in order to make that happen. I'm expecting to make mistakes, and I'm also expecting to make growth. Each month, each week, each day is a chance to start working on a new small step that will bring me closer to my overall goals, or to start over, as needed. 

So without further ado, here are Jess's 2019 Intentions: 

1. Fill my cup. As a teacher, one of the metaphors that you hear a lot is "You can't pour from an empty cup." It basically translates to "Make sure you take care of yourself, so you can take care of the kids." 
• This year I will try to be more fearless about doing things that fill my cup. I will try not to be intimidated by putting myself out there in the course of trying new things. 
• Examples of things that make me feel fulfilled: learning (just for the heck of it), climbing (I want to do some outdoor climbing this year), traveling (obviously. But this year, fewer cities and more nature), and reading (instead of mindlessly bingewatching). And more!
2. Pour from my cup. The whole point of filling your cup is so that you can use what's in you to help fill others' cups. 
• I'm a selfish person. I know this, and rather than getting defensive and denying it (as I have in the past), I'm accepting it and trying to work on it. 
• Baby Step #1: Actively trying to think more of others. I tend to be fairly oblivious to anything outside of my own needs and desires. I am going to begin consciously trying to look beyond myself in order to see others' wants and needs. 
• Baby Step #2: Once my eyes are opened to others and their needs, I can begin "inconveniencing" myself in order to help others. I say "inconvenience" because I need to help others with no expectation of getting anything myself (otherwise, it's still selfish). Instead of thinking "Why should I help them? They haven't done anything for me," I will think "Why should I help them? Because I can see that they could use some help, and because I am capable of offering help," or "Why should I do this for them? Because it will make them happy."
• Added Bonus: doing things for other human beings will help keep me from getting wrapped up in and swallowed by my own shiznit.
3. Get on top of my finances. This one is a little more concrete. I have been somewhat negligent with my finances; and while I'm not in a bad position financially, I am finding that I don't have the money to do some of the things that I want to do. This year, I will be more proactive and intentional with my money, which will give me greater freedom to do things that fill my cup, and will prevent my finances from becoming a stressor. 
• I'd like to start working towards larger, longer-term financial goals, such as buying a new car (since my car's transmission is turning out to be a potentially very expensive and unpredictable hunk of junk). 
• I've already started working on my financial goal. A high school track teammate recently shared her personal finance blog on social media, and I've found it very helpful. 

So there you have it, folks. New year, same me. And by "same me" I mean "constantly trying to be a better me."

Happy New Year.

(I would say "new post coming soon," but we all know how that'll go. 🤣)